A Little Bit of Heaven

Healer's Log - Star date 2020 Santa Rosa,CA

I watched this movie today starting Kate Hudson entitled A Little Bit of Heaven. Her character reminded me of my dear old friend and lover Chris in some key ways. She like he was hilarious, the life of the party, and a self proclaimed commitment-phobe who at times ran from emotions. She was beautiful and young like him, and she also was dying of cancer. They both were keen to avoid dying though the prospects seemed grim, and at some point they both said no to western medicine offerings, mostly because they seemed to infuse less quality to the limited number of days they possessed.

In the movie the character made a wish to love. It was all she really wanted out of life though she didn't even know that. Chris was also the answer to my wish to really love and to be loved. His love, like this effervescent screenplay character's, felt so bright despite the part of her that just didn't "do" relationships. And yet there Chris was with me in our relationship so present and dancing, staring admiringly into my eyes, a serendipitous encounter in so many times and places, with whom I discovered an uncanny connection that often translated in the bedroom as a simultaneous ecstasy. He was my little bit of heaven here on earth experienced among waves of excruciating disappointment and grief. Just as he'd somehow manage to deny the incredible nature of our bond, he in my mind foolishly refused to remove that cancerous eye in an act that might have saved his life before it was too late. Maybe he was too attached to the superficial beauty of this world, though I was hoping he'd gain a spiritual sight even in frank blindness. He was set on alternative treatments because he was hoping for a miracle. Maybe he just never saw what I came to see. While he longed for a miraculous healing that would take away his cancer, it became clear to me there was no mysterious code to crack, no picture perfect love to be won in this world. I could see that all along he was the miracle he'd been waiting for, and right there in his laughter or in Kate Hudson's character we already experienced A Little Bit of Heaven.